I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
