Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
