I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
