Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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