i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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