Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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