He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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