yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
