I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize