im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
