Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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