"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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