you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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