This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
sex in a hospital.. check
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
