Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
