Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
