Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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