You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
