What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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