Do you still have your period?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Randomize
