I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
