I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Randomize
