I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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