see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
