i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
