bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
