the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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