About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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