Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize