I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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