does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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