She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
