Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
