Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
