the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
