I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
