when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Randomize
