She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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