Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize