and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
