hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
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