If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
