member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
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I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
