Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
