We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
