So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
