i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
