Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
My vagina is officially offended.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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