Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
