The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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