I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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