So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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