It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
