she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
