I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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