i need an iv and a liver transplant
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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