On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
