and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
