since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize