SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
