So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
