I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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