i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
