It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Drake has all the answers
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
