Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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