i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
