I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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