cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
