come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
