the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
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