Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
