I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
