Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Randomize
