So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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