Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
