You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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