ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
