i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
