idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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