The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
My pussy is not your playground.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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