OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
