I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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