I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
