I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
